3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
