North Korea, Best Korea!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
