I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
