just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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