i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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