we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
