I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
