I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize