My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
