Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
