don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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