yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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