it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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