I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
