I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
