Nicole vs. Life
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
