They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
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someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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