I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize