Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
