I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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