I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
