I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
