I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
