it hurts more in the daytime
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need to calm my uterus...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
