I think scott just propositioned me for sex
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
