I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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