I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
