I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
