So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
