When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
