Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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