just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
