I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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