I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
