Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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