I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
