no, he came in my armpit
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
