I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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