I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
ttyl tear gas
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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