Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
