clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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