I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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