My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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