He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
