Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
