It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
