You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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