I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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