That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
