You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Enjoy the penises
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
