I want to have your abortion
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
