i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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