Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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