I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
