The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
