dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
