I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the day after is always just damage control
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
