she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
