So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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